If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
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