I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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