I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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