you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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