Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
