I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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