I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
