I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
