How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
