Soap is not a condiment
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
