remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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