How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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