I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
