Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
