I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
