Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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