Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
