That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
