I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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