I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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