What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
dude i'm inner monologue high
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
