he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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