I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
another moral hangover. fuck.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize