Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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