thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
