you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
