Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize