Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
BRING THE BAGELS
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
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