I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
