I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I am naked and annoyed.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
