It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
