he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
