last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
