That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
