..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Floor bacon is actually really good
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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