So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just cut my nipple shaving
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
