I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
