so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
