I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
