Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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