Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...

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(630): View more from Illinois

Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food

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(513): View more from Ohio

4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."

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(515): View more from Iowa

No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!

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(519): View more from Ontario

Hey, how are you?

(1-519): View more from Ontario

No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.

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(817): View more from Texas

One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.

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