I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
