By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
