Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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