I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
