We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize