once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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