All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
