Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
