So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
