Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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