when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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