I wish I could punch you in the face.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
