I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
