We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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