Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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