i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize