I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
found the other keg... it's in the tree
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
