How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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