How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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