I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
