haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize