i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
