I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
