Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
