we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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