It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
