saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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