The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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