So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
