She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
