Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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