You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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