we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
