just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
