I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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