College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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