you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
