I'm drive I can fine osifer
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
