i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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