I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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