I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm sobbing to NWA
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
