He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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