Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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