I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize