chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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