i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
