my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
