He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
