Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
