We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
